I must blog (more) creative.

How to make a failure of a blog.

When I started this blog, I never thought for one minute that it would fail miserably. At the average of 18 page views per entry, this blog has indeed failed. (No mathematics were used to calculate this statistic. In fact, I can assure you that this statistic is purely a haphazard guess. The number could actually be lower than that.)

So I am now letting you in on all the things you should do to make sure your blog gets 0 views and 0 comments even after one year of starting it.

1. Post one entry every three months: you don't need more than that. Your mother will read, your brother will too, and then some others too according to their facebook/twitter status at the time of the post. And then nobody will comment.

2. Never post pictures. People run away when there isn't a pretty picture to look at. People (most people, that is) hate to read long well-packed paragraphs punctuated with lots (and lots) of unnecessary information, and replete with parentheses to explain the aforementioned information.

3. Talk about yourself. If you talk strictly about what happened to your skirt that one day, what happened to your flats that one other day, your feelings and emotions when you watched that concert that third day? People will skim through the pictures and close the page without even reading the contents. Guaranteed.

4. Complain about not getting enough page views. This entry is one good example. You complain that nobody ever visits your blog, and you can be sure that people will visit it even less.

5. Forget that you even have a blog to begin with. I live my life now, discovering new blogs every day, following other people's news, day dreaming about getting tickets to this or that fashion show, in this or that fashion week (when style and fashion are the two things that my closet despises with all her being. If you ever heard us argue, it was probably about that.) By forgetting about your blog, you will think less and less of things to write about. And then all the others (including your mother and brother will forget too.)

[Funny story: I was once telling my mother that I met a person who's more awkward than me. You know what she said? She said (and I quote:) "More awkward than you? You're so awkward all you wear are T-shirts and pants!" Now my mother confused the concepts of "awkward" and "lacking creative style" What she probably meant to say was: "There's nobody in the world who is more unstylish than you are." Broke my heart when I finally understood what she meant. And when I finally realized that it was true.

So I could not win ticket to fashion shows during fashion week even if Fairy Godmothers existed in real life. (to make my wish/dream come true, that is.)]

My dear readers, here you have it: the how-to of all how-tos. As you can see, failing your blog can be quite easy.

Which is why (and I lift my index as I proclaim this:) I have decided to spice things up on that rusty spoon of mine. I let my dish get stale, and it's entirely my fault. It's about time to fix the recipe.

Here is a Belle & Sebastian song that I leave you with. I do want the world to stop. Maybe I can figure things out while it's on pause.

See you when I'm found.


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