a puddle of sketches

Perhaps it is our disenchantment with life that pushes us towards creating things that have absolutely no meaning. Perhaps it's just our hunger, or rather, our strife to put ourselves under the gleam of a spotlight, that makes us want to prove [to ourselves,] that we just might deserve this life, after all.

What you're about to see, is by no means an expression of my talent. I have no talent in drawing whatsoever. But I just happen to love illustration. I love everything books for children, everything childish and sweet. You'll think, well, this person has probably lived a tough childhood. She might not even have had a childhood at all, and that is why she is re-living the life of a child. That is why her interests are so peculiarly childish.

Well you can rest assured, because it is not the case. In fact I cannot think of one moment that might have made my years growing sad or gloomy. Except perhaps for the days where I received my math exam results.
But oh well, I found myself positively glowing every time that I held a well-designed, well-illustrated children's book in my hands. So I decided, that since I can appreciate children's books well enough, I can appreciate myself into writing some!

Of course, I have never been able to fully produce a well-designed, well-illustrated children's book.

But I have put some great energy into sketching. Okay, it's not that great. But still, I wet my hands with pencil lines and personal adaptations of Jack Skellington, hoping for a story. And in this post, I will let you delve into my sea. See, for one reason or another, I felt a pulling, saddening urge to cut out my little sketches from their nests of papers and notebooks. And I cut them out heartlessly, to attempt a collage. I did not end up gluing anything. Yet. But I was able to gather my truckload (more like a matchboxcarload) of sketches that I attempted, designedly, to place into an order that mirrored some sort of a map of my head. Mind you, the initial plan of the night, was to cozy up under the covers with Elisabeth Gaskell's "North and South", but instead, I sat on the carpet and began the process.

[My, I'm drowning in the sea of narcissism. Pray, do continue reading through the I's and the my's and the me's, you just might find the pictures slightly interesting.]

The pastel blue and green composition is inspired by:
1. The supply of colored papers in my drawers [that I was supposed to use throughout college, but that I hardly ever did, so I practically had no other choice.]
2. The spring and summer fashion trend that has decided to bow to pastel colors this season. [all the bloggers are dying for these colors, so why should I not as well! Even if I'm manifesting it with paper!]
3. My pastel colored green nail polish.

From there came the [pretty much spoon-fed] thought, that this composition was my earth, with all of my sketches floating randomly on top. Putting my graphic design wannabe skills to work, I concocted this [unglued] collage of what it feels like to be me. Needless to say, half of these sketches [did I say half? Oh, I meant all] of these sketches were frenetically sketched at work. But I must specify that they did not take time away from my job itself, they just filled in-between the "I-have-nothing-for-you-to-do-right-now" blank moments.

One more thing before I leave you to dwell on these pieces of myself [too much narcissism, sorry!] I just thought that these can be an inspiration to a future[istic?] story.

I sure hope they will. But meanwhile...

Ta kindest narcissistic regards, [ta = da = "the" in slang.]

ps: Maybe there is more that I can say about these images. Right now, I'm just going to post them, because I would really like to get to that plan of reading my book!

pps: I meddled and fiddled with the colors. On photoshop. I think you'll notice. But it's only because the lighting in my room does not provide an ideal setting!

ppps: Imagine that they apply LIRA [the Lebanese Internet Regulation Act.] Imagine what a waste of time all of this would have been. Anyhow.


... and finally, the pastel nails!



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